Dealing with loss
Following the difficult times that we have been going through over the past few months, it comes as no surprise that many are dealing with much loss and bereavement. Unfortunately, many of us have lost close friends and loved ones. Losing someone we love is something that is heart-wrenching and something that is extremely difficult to learn to live with; we feel as though something, more specifically someone, was stolen from our lives. This is even worse with Covid-19 as it has taken over many aspects of our lives. We feel as though we will never be able to get over the loss of this person and that’s isn’t what grief is, it’s about adjusting to your life without them there. Bereavement is one of the most difficult things any person may have to go through in their lives, and so I wrote this article to guide you through it if it is indeed something you may be currently struggling with. Loss is can also about your role too so if your are a mum/dad/daughter/son to the person that has passed away, and so forth these are the roles also and if they are no longer with us we can lose our sense of self too.
What Is Bereavement?
Bereavement refers to the emotional feeling after someone’s death that usually lasts for several days, weeks, months or sometimes years. It is normal to undergo a number of emotions, such as sadness, anger, loneliness and worry during bereavement, as there is no right or wrong way to feel, the process is not linear and can feel much like a rollercoaster at time. Allow yourself the space to take it easy, allow yourself to cry. The reason we grieve is because we love and as painful as it is, I feel this is the price we pay for loving someone.
Reaching Out for Help
If you are having trouble dealing with the grief period, you can always ask for support from loved ones or friends. If you cannot trust yourself to speak to your community, it can always help to go see a therapist to get some relief and to speak about your loss with someone who is impartial. In any case, you should try not to let grief dictate your actions or make you do things you would not usually, such as turning to self-destructive patterns such as drinking heavily or using drugs. Grief counselling can be very helpful in managing your grief period and can keep you on the right path and to help you move forward even in the hardest time of your life.
The Stages of Grief
The five stages of grief according to Dr Elizabeth Kulber Ross there are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can take time to move through these stages and as I know all too well it’s not always in that order, also you may jump back and forth through them too. In the denial phase, you do not want to accept that the loss has happened. In the anger stage, you may feel anger towards the dying or deceased person/the situation for example Covid-19. As peculiar as this may sound, this stage is because you resent the other due to how they make you feel, and you are angry at them for hurting you in this way. In the bargaining stage, you start thinking about the “if only” statements, such as “if only I had done … differently” and in my personal view is we always regret things when we lose someone. We can be the most amazing husband/daughter/son/aunt and so forth but we will always feel there was something that we could or should have done….. That’s love. In the depression stage, we are saddened by the loss as we begin to realise what has happened. Finally, the acceptance stage is the one where you begin to accept the loss, and this is where you can really begin to move forward.