Lonely

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Men & Mental Health

Men & Mental Health

While mental illnesses affect both men and women, the prevalence of mental illnesses in men is often lower than women. Men with mental illnesses are also less likely to have received mental health treatment than women in the past year. However, men are more likely to die by suicide than women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Recognising the signs that you or someone you love may have a mental disorder is the first step toward getting treatment. The earlier that treatment begins, the more effective it can be.

I was made aware recently by a male family member however they don’t feel this way but he could see how sometimes men may feel the fear of people perceiving them as weak if they are open about there struggles around mental health. Some of the statements over the years like “grow a set of balls” and “Man up” come to mind all these add to the stigma around men and mental health. What some people tend to forget is even though they have testicles they are human too!

We need to let the guys know that their feelings matter too, think about it this way what if a guy said to you that you should woman up? That your feelings aren’t as important as a mans oh wait does this sound familiar like before when woman weren’t allowed to vote, we argue that women should be on the same pay as men yet when it comes to mental health we set ourselves apart again. Ask yourself this are we stuck in the dark ages when it comes to men and mental health well surprise-surprise it’s the 21st century and men matter too lets look and mental health equal rights because regardless of gender mental health affects us all at some point in our lives.

Ways you can help yourself

  1. Talking to someone you trust, a close friend or family member, maybe even your doctor/therapist
  2. Considering why you find it uncomfortable asking for help and whether those reasons are actually stopping you from getting the support you need
  3. Reading more about mental health and the varied guidance and advice that is easily accessible (online articles maybe?)
  4. Maybe consider what are your weapons in this fight (i.e. the ways you combat poor mental health) – it could be anything from regular exercise to spending time with friends (for me, creative writing helps to lift me during the darker days)
  5. Finding stories and case studies that will help you understand what other men have been through
  6. Getting involved in the great campaigns and activities that raise awareness of mental health – look campaign State of mind which is about men’s mental health which will give you a sense of empowerment

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Covid-19

The Trauma of Covid-19

It’s no secret that Covid-19 has brought on a fair share of questions and worries. In fact, the situation we are currently living through is one that has left many people dealing with trauma. This article will be looking at the trauma you may have experienced during the lockdown as well as how you can get back up from it.

Uncertain Times

There has never been a time before that has brought as many questions as Covid-19 has. Not only this, but this pandemic has brought uncertainty that was merely a fictional possibility in the past, something we’d see in movies like 2012 or The Day After Tomorrow. Now, it’s almost impossible to book a vacation without fearing that we won’t be able to make it back without having to quarantine, and a second wave is on the horizon. These uncertain times can create trauma in a person as having no control over the events that follow is stress and anxiety-inducing.

No More Stability

In the United Kingdom, we are becoming more and more aware of the recession that is coming our way (in fact, we are already in one). Because of this, most of us are rather worried about our jobs. We aren’t sure we’ll be able to make it until Christmas and this lack of stability is extremely stressful. This is another form of trauma that you may be experiencing, alongside feelings of depression that have unfortunately been on the rise throughout the UK. The life we were used to up until now feels like it may be gone forever. The cafés are closed, or close at 3 PM in London’s city center– unseen before–, the pubs are half empty and the housing market is cheaper than ever before. Yet this all screams uncertainty. So, who can blame you for fearing the current circumstances and feeling traumatized by this rather swift change of events? Although this may be a bleak perspective of life, there is a positive side to all this– you can do something about it.

Indeed, trauma doesn’t mean that you will struggle with this forever. Instead, you can take care of this trauma by reestablishing control and a routine where you can. If you feel like you’ve lost control and like the uncertainty and instability are too much, look at what you do have control over and focus on this, even better, engage in self-care! This should be a good start to feel like you are gaining control over your life once again. 

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Misconceptions About Mental Illness

Misconceptions About Mental Illness

Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions around mental health. For example, many tend to think that those who deal with mental health problems are simply unable to feel better, or that they should “try” to just “get over” depression. However, it is not that easy. This article will be looking at three common misconceptions about mental illness.

“It’s Not Serious“

The first common misconception about mental illness is that it is nothing serious, or that it is easy to get rid of. How many times have you told someone about this illness and have received an underwhelming response or a response that insinuated that you simply needed to get over it? It is extremely frustrating, especially when it comes to the fact that mental illness can be all-encompassing and therefore can make you feel like nothing you do will help. Because of this, it’s important to remember that the feelings and the experience with mental illness are valid.

“You Could Get Better if You Really Wanted To”

Another very common myth is that people who deal with mental illness are simply “faking it” or that they could simply get better if they really wanted to. In such cases, it is incredibly frustrating to see individuals struggling with these stereotypes; after all, if one could so easily get over mental illness, why would they purposely choose not to? Again, your mental illness and experience with it are completely valid. Perhaps you have been struggling with mental health issues due to Covid-19 and feel guilty as you think your condition isn’t “bad enough” for you to get help? This is not the case– mental health is ALWAYS important!

“It’s Your Fault”

There is not much to say about this one other than that it is never your fault if a person is in crisis with mental illness. No matter how much they may feel like blaming themselves, mental illness is something that impacts many, if not most people at one point in their life. And, it’s never their fault.

Myths and misconceptions about mental health are often related to the stigma that surrounds mental disorders. This is a common problem that can prevent many individuals from getting the treatment they need. Misconceptions about mental health often lead to inaccurate stereotypes. In addition, stereotypes about mental disorders can further marginalize and isolate individuals who suffer from mental disorders. This can result in them having difficulties relating to others and feeling less comfortable about going to social functions and being around large groups of people. On that note, this concludes this week’s article.

Have you been struggling? Reach out today to get the help you deserve

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Dealing With Loss

Dealing with loss

Following the difficult times that we have been going through over the past few months, it comes as no surprise that many are dealing with much loss and bereavement. Unfortunately, many of us have lost close friends and loved ones. Losing someone we love is something that is heart-wrenching and something that is extremely difficult to learn to live with; we feel as though something, more specifically someone, was stolen from our lives. This is even worse with Covid-19 as it has taken over many aspects of our lives. We feel as though we will never be able to get over the loss of this person and that’s isn’t what grief is, it’s about adjusting to your life without them there. Bereavement is one of the most difficult things any person may have to go through in their lives, and so I wrote this article to guide you through it if it is indeed something you may be currently struggling with. Loss is can also about your role too so if your are a mum/dad/daughter/son to the person that has passed away, and so forth these are the roles also and if they are no longer with us we can lose our sense of self too.

What Is Bereavement?

Bereavement refers to the emotional feeling after someone’s death that usually lasts for several days, weeks, months or sometimes years. It is normal to undergo a number of emotions, such as sadness, anger, loneliness and worry during bereavement, as there is no right or wrong way to  feel, the process is not linear and can feel much like a rollercoaster at time. Allow yourself the space to take it easy, allow yourself to cry. The reason we grieve is because we love and as painful as it is, I feel this is the price we pay for loving someone.

Reaching Out for Help

If you are having trouble dealing with the grief period, you can always ask for support from loved ones or friends. If you cannot trust yourself to speak to your community, it can always help to go see a therapist to get some relief and to speak about your loss with someone who is impartial. In any case, you should try not to let grief dictate your actions or make you do things you would not usually, such as turning to self-destructive patterns such as drinking heavily or using drugs. Grief counselling can be very helpful in managing your grief period and can keep you on the right path and to help you move forward even in the hardest time of your life.

The Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief according to Dr Elizabeth Kulber Ross there are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can take time to move through these stages and as I know all too well it’s not always in that order, also you may jump back and forth through them too. In the denial phase, you do not want to accept that the loss has happened. In the anger stage, you may feel anger towards the dying or deceased person/the situation for example Covid-19. As peculiar as this may sound, this stage is because you resent the other due to how they make you feel, and you are angry at them for hurting you in this way. In the bargaining stage, you start thinking about the “if only” statements, such as “if only I had done … differently” and in my personal view is we always regret things when we lose someone. We can be the most amazing husband/daughter/son/aunt and so forth but we will always feel there was something that we could or should have done….. That’s love. In the depression stage, we are saddened by the loss as we begin to realise what has happened. Finally, the acceptance stage is the one where you begin to accept the loss, and this is where you can really begin to move forward.

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Disenfranchised Bereavement: What it Is and Coping With It

Disenfranchised Bereavement: What it Is and Coping With It

Dealing with grief is an unfortunate reality for many individuals. In fact, due to the nature of the current pandemic we are going through, many more are going through periods of bereavement. Although everyone grieves at one point or another, not everyone grieves equally regardless if they are going through a similar situation. The intensity and duration of your grief will depend on the depth of the loss you are dealing with, as well as the extent of your understanding of that loss. Often, the process of grieving involves denial and deflection, whereby you initially try to convince yourself that the loss hasn’t happened. In doing so, you are not really grieving, but are rather managing the symptoms of your grief. This, however, is something that I touched on in last week’s article. This week, we will be looking at what disenfranchised bereavement is.  

What is disenfranchised bereavement?

When it comes to bereavement, the loss that we are grieving is usually enough to make us feel as though we are alone. As such, dealing with a lack of belief, or dealing with a loss that isn’t valid in society or isn’t respected by others can feel even worse. This kind of grief is one that “goes unacknowledged or unvalidated by social norms”. This is a tough situation to deal with because of the fact that the emotions we feel in regard to the loss are not respected, validated, or even acknowledged. For example, some types of disenfranchised bereavement causes could include the “loss of a pet, perinatal losses, elective abortions, loss of a body part, loss of a personality from dementia, and loss of a loved one who is not “blood related”. Such losses are not inherently personal as they do not affect someone that we know directly, but they still trigger strong feelings of having lost something dear to us. 

Disenfranchised Bereavement in the Times of Covid-19

The unfortunate reality of this pandemic is that many have lost someone dear to them, whether they were close to them or not. For example, perhaps you lost one of your closest friends or someone in your family has lost their loved one and this has had effects on you. Loss is not something that should have to be validated or acknowledged; if you feel like you are grieving or you feel as though you have suffered a serious loss, that is a valid feeling and you should not feel the pressure of anyone’s disapproval. Your grief is real and valid, whether others acknowledge it or not. 

Another side effect of Covid-19 on disenfranchised bereavement is that other losses are not taken seriously. As this is a very traumatic event occurring for many (i.e., the pandemic leading to lives lost), it may feel as though your personal feelings of grief are nowhere near as important as those who have dealt with the loss of a loved one. Nonetheless, even though this pandemic may feel as though it is all-encompassing and affects all aspects of your life, it does not mean that other kinds of grief do not exist anymore. If you have lost a child due to a miscarriage, you are still allowed to grieve. If you have lost a pet, it is not selfish to be sad about it. You are entitled to emotions as love is love no matter who or what it’s aimed towards.

Coping with Disenfranchised Bereavement

Grief after a loss can occur for different reasons. Some people grieve for lost loved ones, some because of past abuses or traumas, while others grieve for the loss of their homes. Other causes of grief following a loss include financial losses (loss of income or inheritance), job losses, health losses (decrease in health or injury), personal losses (death of a close friend or relative) and other life transitions (emigration, changing careers). Whatever the cause of loss, the effects of the grief can be devastating to the individuals who have experienced them. Many people find themselves unable to function normally in society, and may even lose their jobs or flee to escape the problems while feeling depressed or overwhelmed. As such, it is incredibly important to reach out for help when you feel like you are unable to cope; this can be in the form of asking help from your friends and family or from a therapist. The more you talk about it and acknowledge that your pain is real and tell others about your pain and bereavement, the more relief you may feel. Remember we grieve because we love, its not about “getting over” the grief it’s about working around it. Just because someone or something you love has gone doesnt make your love dissipate if anything I feel it grows.

Do you feel like you need some help and support? Reach out today for some support. 

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Carer’s Fatigue: What it Is and How to Get Help

How to get help

As we approach the end of the year, one thing is for certain: we are all very tired both mentally and physically in many cases. This year has been a very challenging one in many aspects, testing us and our capacity to get help after a rough challenge. In any case, one group of people have also had to deal with another barrier: a carer’s fatigue. Caregivers were/are some of the most crucial workers this year and this can include doctors, nurses, counsellors and support workers and many others unable to take care of themselves in a time where the world was, quite honestly, in a shambles. Carer fatigue, however, adds another layer to this. It occurs when a carer is unable to take care of themselves as they are too busy caring for others. This week’s article will outline what carer fatigue is in more detail and will provide you with some tips on fighting it if it is something you have been dealing with.

What is carer fatigue?

As the name suggests, carer fatigue refers to the fatigue or extreme level of exhaustion felt by carers who are responsible for the care of others. Carers’ responsibilities can range from providing well-being and comfort advice, checking in on their care recipients and their mental and physical health, monitoring their safety while providing them with as much independence and autonomy as possible. However, this does not mean that this is only a ‘job’ for carers: in most cases, caregivers are very connected to their patients and establish a strong connection with them, therefore they begin to feel responsible for them above and beyond. This feeling of responsibility can lead to the neglect of one’s own care, therefore leading to burnout.

How can I prevent or treat carer fatigue?

If you are a carer who has experienced this or is currently struggling with this, it is very important that you take action to improve the fatigue, tiredness and overwhelming feelings because if this continues, it could be dangerous for both parties involved. Not only can it cause great strain on you as a carer, but on your patients/clients too. The quality of care can be negatively affected as it is normal to become grumpy or to have a short fuse when overtired. There are loads of ways you can prevent this from happening, and one way is to make sure that you have regular rest also known as self-care so that the body can rejuvenate and recharge itself. Of course, this is easier said than done, but the key here is to focus on setting boundaries and recognising when you are heading downhill. If you begin to feel more irritable and begin resenting your job, maybe it’s time for some time to reflect on what you need to change because, if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got !

Staying Active

Another key factor in learning to overcome carer fatigue is to make sure you are having some sort of exercise, and to keep moving on a regular basis. Learning to overcome carer fatigue means getting plenty of sleep and exercise, but also eating a proper diet that gives the body all the nutrients it needs. Without getting the right amount of nutrients, the body can’t repair itself, which can cause many different problems, so taking care of yourself through exercise and eating right is very important. You may not be able to give as much help as you want at times, but if you feel there is any stress or strain on your care receiver, then discuss it with them and you can work to see how you can have your needs met while also providing them with the care they need.

At the end of the day, it’s all about boundaries. Being able to be a great carer lies in the extent to which you can care for yourself first. This follows the same thought pattern as the one in airplanes when parents are instructed to put on the oxygen mask before helping others– you cannot help if your own mental and physical health is hindered.

So, take care of yourself, set boundaries, know when you need time off, and give yourself enough time to rest!