grief

by Leave a Comment

Depression

What is depression?

There is a difference between feeling low and being clinically depressed, how I hear you say, well let me explain.

Most people go through periods of feeling down, but when you’re clinically depressed you feel persistently sad for weeks or months, rather than just a few days.

They range from lasting feelings of unhappiness and hopelessness, to losing interest in the things you used to enjoy and feeling very tearful. Many people with depression also have symptoms of anxiety. So sometimes it can feel like your “get up and go, gets up and buggers off”.

Other symptoms of depression could include –

  • Continuous low mood or sadness 
  • Feeling hopeless and helpless 
  • Having low self-esteem  
  • Feeling tearful 
  • Feeling guilt-ridden 
  • Feeling irritable and intolerant of others  
  • Having no motivation or interest in things 
  • Finding it difficult to make decisions 
  • Not getting any enjoyment out of life 
  • Feeling anxious or worried
  • Having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself

Half of the battle is understanding what is going on for you and that you are not alone there are people you can speak to and places you can go so you don’t feel alone in your struggle. People don’t tend to feel low for no reason and sometime it could be down to a medical issue so something completely out of your hands.

If you feel like your depressed the first point of call is go make an appointment at you GPs, this is what they get paid for so don’t ever feel like your wasting their time they want you to go to them this is what they trained for remember.

Lets look at this differently ok, if you broke your leg would you seek medical help ? if you had the flu or a chest infection would you seek medical help ?? IT’S THE SAME THING !! just because you cant see it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist

What Can I do To Help Myself??

1) Don’t bottle things up – find someone to talk to about how you are feeling.
2) Make sure you get plenty of exercise and plenty of fresh air. You will find that even if you do a quick walk every day and a short period of other exercise each day you will start to feel physically and emotionally stronger and more able to cope.
3) Make sure you eat a healthy balanced diet – eat little and often and don’t skip meals. If you are not eating properly you will feel more depressed and listless.
4) Try and keep busy – to keep your mind occupied.
5) Do things you enjoy to relax, treat yourself and take care of yourself.
6) Try and get to bed at a regular time. If you find it difficult to sleep listen to the radio/TV/read and you may find you drop off to sleep more easily.
7) Don’t resort to unhealthy ways of dealing with your problems like drinking, taking drugs, cutting, eating disorders.
8) Ask for help when you need it.
9) Try to stop thinking in a negative way – when you think a negative thought try and replace it with a positive one.
10) If you need a hug ask someone you trust – this can make you feel that someone really does care how you are feeling.

by Leave a Comment

Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive Thoughts

When intrusive thoughts become severe, recurrent, and anxiety-provoking, they can become an obsession. Obsessions are best known as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). People with OCD often are in crisis from compulsions in behaviours as well as thoughts.

OCD becomes a problem when it intrudes on your mental or physical everyday wellbeing. These thoughts can be quite frightening at first if you don’t know what they mean, intrusive thoughts will lessen if you accept them and allow them to pass without giving them too much attention or trying to push them away. It’s a lot like the pink elephant analogy, if I tell you not to think about a pink elephant what’s the first thing you think about ?? Point in question.

Remember these are just thoughts, do you have control over your dreams? It’s the same with the intrusive fleeting thoughts. Acceptance as simple as the word is not such a simple action but in time it becomes easier to accept the thoughts and this then takes the power away from the anxiety, which is feeding the thoughts.  People who are more sensitive to anxiety are more likely to experience intrusive thoughts (Hames, 2012).

When does it become a concern I hear you ask, ok well while we do all experience common intrusive thoughts, some are more people are more affected by them. Complex PTSD or OCD intrusive thoughts can severely impact on someone’s life, sleep, or even appetite and daily mood but to name only a few, others they can just be fleeting thoughts. So, for instance, there is a difference of a thought fleeting in that you really want to hurt a person and the thought goes as quick as it comes, however, if it stays and it causes you distress, it can result in disturbances that are hard to manage if you don’t know how to deal with them.

by Leave a Comment

Men & Mental Health

Men & Mental Health

While mental illnesses affect both men and women, the prevalence of mental illnesses in men is often lower than women. Men with mental illnesses are also less likely to have received mental health treatment than women in the past year. However, men are more likely to die by suicide than women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Recognising the signs that you or someone you love may have a mental disorder is the first step toward getting treatment. The earlier that treatment begins, the more effective it can be.

I was made aware recently by a male family member however they don’t feel this way but he could see how sometimes men may feel the fear of people perceiving them as weak if they are open about there struggles around mental health. Some of the statements over the years like “grow a set of balls” and “Man up” come to mind all these add to the stigma around men and mental health. What some people tend to forget is even though they have testicles they are human too!

We need to let the guys know that their feelings matter too, think about it this way what if a guy said to you that you should woman up? That your feelings aren’t as important as a mans oh wait does this sound familiar like before when woman weren’t allowed to vote, we argue that women should be on the same pay as men yet when it comes to mental health we set ourselves apart again. Ask yourself this are we stuck in the dark ages when it comes to men and mental health well surprise-surprise it’s the 21st century and men matter too lets look and mental health equal rights because regardless of gender mental health affects us all at some point in our lives.

Ways you can help yourself

  1. Talking to someone you trust, a close friend or family member, maybe even your doctor/therapist
  2. Considering why you find it uncomfortable asking for help and whether those reasons are actually stopping you from getting the support you need
  3. Reading more about mental health and the varied guidance and advice that is easily accessible (online articles maybe?)
  4. Maybe consider what are your weapons in this fight (i.e. the ways you combat poor mental health) – it could be anything from regular exercise to spending time with friends (for me, creative writing helps to lift me during the darker days)
  5. Finding stories and case studies that will help you understand what other men have been through
  6. Getting involved in the great campaigns and activities that raise awareness of mental health – look campaign State of mind which is about men’s mental health which will give you a sense of empowerment

by Leave a Comment

Anxiety

What is Anxiety

Anxiety, depression and worry could show itself in physical ways as well as mentally , physical health conditions like stomach problems, back pain, heart disease or skin conditions as a result of stress and anxiety. You could feel overloaded by demands being placed on you maybe in work, personal life, relationships or the impact of a past event that has stayed with you, or your reaction to being put under pressure is to feel upset, worried or unable to cope, you might describe yourself as feeling stressed but its much more than that.

Working on mindfulness and meditation could have an impact on you not feeling stressed or overloaded, Relaxation is key ( I’m not saying go hug a tree!). Allowing yourself to be compassionate towards yourself is also another element of moving forward as we know we can be very harsh on ourselves ever heard the saying “we are our own worst enemy” point in question!

Ok lets look at Anxiety and negative thoughts, we have all been in that position where we have been thinking negative about either a situation or even a person where we have no clue where its come from but as far as your concerned this is fact or is it …….

These thoughts become habit, without even knowing it we create a new negative cycle and this just like a drug is like an addiction that we cant get away from and before we know it its taken over. Let me tell you something I’ve been there. That thought that your not good enough, even if you try your best it wont work, I’m not important so I’m not going to burden someone else with my problems and my personal favourite I’m not important.

These thoughts become a habit overtime without us even realising so, just to prove a point answer these questions , when you get dressed in the morning…..

  • What sock do you put on first?
  • What leg do you put into your jeans first?
  • What shoe do you put on first?

See creature of habit just like the rest of us!

Also it’s the same with your thoughts they become a habit whether negative or positive everyone is similar but its about breaking that cycle, creating new positive habits. So I want you to remember two things

1) It’s ok not to be ok but what’s not ok is being stuck there – it’s ok to ask for help
2) You’re important too!

by Leave a Comment

Covid-19

The Trauma of Covid-19

It’s no secret that Covid-19 has brought on a fair share of questions and worries. In fact, the situation we are currently living through is one that has left many people dealing with trauma. This article will be looking at the trauma you may have experienced during the lockdown as well as how you can get back up from it.

Uncertain Times

There has never been a time before that has brought as many questions as Covid-19 has. Not only this, but this pandemic has brought uncertainty that was merely a fictional possibility in the past, something we’d see in movies like 2012 or The Day After Tomorrow. Now, it’s almost impossible to book a vacation without fearing that we won’t be able to make it back without having to quarantine, and a second wave is on the horizon. These uncertain times can create trauma in a person as having no control over the events that follow is stress and anxiety-inducing.

No More Stability

In the United Kingdom, we are becoming more and more aware of the recession that is coming our way (in fact, we are already in one). Because of this, most of us are rather worried about our jobs. We aren’t sure we’ll be able to make it until Christmas and this lack of stability is extremely stressful. This is another form of trauma that you may be experiencing, alongside feelings of depression that have unfortunately been on the rise throughout the UK. The life we were used to up until now feels like it may be gone forever. The cafés are closed, or close at 3 PM in London’s city center– unseen before–, the pubs are half empty and the housing market is cheaper than ever before. Yet this all screams uncertainty. So, who can blame you for fearing the current circumstances and feeling traumatized by this rather swift change of events? Although this may be a bleak perspective of life, there is a positive side to all this– you can do something about it.

Indeed, trauma doesn’t mean that you will struggle with this forever. Instead, you can take care of this trauma by reestablishing control and a routine where you can. If you feel like you’ve lost control and like the uncertainty and instability are too much, look at what you do have control over and focus on this, even better, engage in self-care! This should be a good start to feel like you are gaining control over your life once again. 

by Leave a Comment

Dealing With Loss

Dealing with loss

Following the difficult times that we have been going through over the past few months, it comes as no surprise that many are dealing with much loss and bereavement. Unfortunately, many of us have lost close friends and loved ones. Losing someone we love is something that is heart-wrenching and something that is extremely difficult to learn to live with; we feel as though something, more specifically someone, was stolen from our lives. This is even worse with Covid-19 as it has taken over many aspects of our lives. We feel as though we will never be able to get over the loss of this person and that’s isn’t what grief is, it’s about adjusting to your life without them there. Bereavement is one of the most difficult things any person may have to go through in their lives, and so I wrote this article to guide you through it if it is indeed something you may be currently struggling with. Loss is can also about your role too so if your are a mum/dad/daughter/son to the person that has passed away, and so forth these are the roles also and if they are no longer with us we can lose our sense of self too.

What Is Bereavement?

Bereavement refers to the emotional feeling after someone’s death that usually lasts for several days, weeks, months or sometimes years. It is normal to undergo a number of emotions, such as sadness, anger, loneliness and worry during bereavement, as there is no right or wrong way to  feel, the process is not linear and can feel much like a rollercoaster at time. Allow yourself the space to take it easy, allow yourself to cry. The reason we grieve is because we love and as painful as it is, I feel this is the price we pay for loving someone.

Reaching Out for Help

If you are having trouble dealing with the grief period, you can always ask for support from loved ones or friends. If you cannot trust yourself to speak to your community, it can always help to go see a therapist to get some relief and to speak about your loss with someone who is impartial. In any case, you should try not to let grief dictate your actions or make you do things you would not usually, such as turning to self-destructive patterns such as drinking heavily or using drugs. Grief counselling can be very helpful in managing your grief period and can keep you on the right path and to help you move forward even in the hardest time of your life.

The Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief according to Dr Elizabeth Kulber Ross there are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can take time to move through these stages and as I know all too well it’s not always in that order, also you may jump back and forth through them too. In the denial phase, you do not want to accept that the loss has happened. In the anger stage, you may feel anger towards the dying or deceased person/the situation for example Covid-19. As peculiar as this may sound, this stage is because you resent the other due to how they make you feel, and you are angry at them for hurting you in this way. In the bargaining stage, you start thinking about the “if only” statements, such as “if only I had done … differently” and in my personal view is we always regret things when we lose someone. We can be the most amazing husband/daughter/son/aunt and so forth but we will always feel there was something that we could or should have done….. That’s love. In the depression stage, we are saddened by the loss as we begin to realise what has happened. Finally, the acceptance stage is the one where you begin to accept the loss, and this is where you can really begin to move forward.